


Under My Skin

by ASchwartz33



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, KakaIru Mini Bang 2020, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Umino Iruka-centric, set during the time skip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:47:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24605680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ASchwartz33/pseuds/ASchwartz33
Summary: Soulmate AU - soulmates have tattoos that represent each otherWritten for the KakaIru mini bang 2020!
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 37
Kudos: 211
Collections: KakaIru Mini Bang 2020





	Under My Skin

Iruka woke slowly in his bed. He groaned softly, staring at the ceiling and trying  _ not  _ to pay attention to the empty half of his mattress. It didn't matter, because the silence was deafening. 

The clock ticked loudly on his bedside table as Iruka fought to move his legs out of the bed. He didn't want to. Leaving the bed meant seeing how _empty_ the rest of the apartment was. 

Because Iruka was alone, as he had been for months. 

Getting ready for work was simple enough, and Iruka did so while avoiding the mirror. Years of practiced ease meant that he could put his hair up without it, though he was  _ almost  _ nervous enough to double check today. 

Iruka was starting with a new class, his last group having all passed the exams with flying colors. Of course, new students meant inevitable discussions that Iruka  _ really  _ didn't feel like having right now. 

Dragging himself to work had been a chore, mostly because Iruka carefully avoided busy areas and refused to take off his coat until he was inside the school. 

Iruka's new class filed in slowly, each one talking to a new friend or someone they had met outside of the building. It warmed Iruka's heart to see such companionship in children so young. 

"Alright class, take your seats!" Iruka called out with a smile, writing his name on the board and introducing himself. "Okay, why don't we go around the room and introduce ourselves?" 

Iruka pointed to the little Hyuga girl in the front row, and hoped that he would make it through at least a few of them before the inevitable conversation happened. 

"My name is Hikari Hyuga. I like flowers, and my soulmate tattoo is a little beetle on top of my foot." 

Iruka groaned internally, standing quietly as the other classmates prodded Hikari to remove her shoe and show them the mark. This day would be almost entirely lost now, each child determined to see if their mark matched someone's in this room. 

After Hikari, Shouka showed everyone the tattoo on his shoulder proudly.

Iruka's forearm itched, though he refused to scratch it. Eventually, the attention turned back to him. 

"Iruka-Sensei, what does  _ your  _ soulmate tattoo look like?" One boy asked loudly, and all of the little faces turned to watch him. 

Iruka sighed, holding his arm up carefully to showcase the tattoo that he had been avoiding looking at all morning. 

"It's a scarecrow!" One of the closer students shouted. "Do you know who your soulmate is?" 

Iruka swallowed down his breakfast that was trying to make its way back out of his stomach. "Yes, I do. I'm married." He answered, fighting to keep his face from showing what he was truly feeling inside. 

_ Widowed.  _ His mind helpfully provided, while the students continued their questions. 

"What is your wife's tattoo?" Another asked. 

"My  _ husband's  _ tattoo is a dolphin." Iruka replied dryly.  _ Was _ .  **_Was_ ** _ a dolphin.  _

Iruka tried to stop the internal monologue, but was ultimately unsuccessful. 

One of the girls was going on some rant about how romantic it was to be born with matching tattoos. A common sentiment… though the thought made Iruka sick to his stomach every time it was brought up. 

_ Romantic.  _ Sure. Maybe in the beginning. Maybe when life was filled with possibilities and love. Of course, no one ever tells you about the empty  _ hole  _ that is ripped through your heart when the mark that matches yours is  _ no longer there.  _

Iruka stared at his scarecrow tattoo. Once upon a time when he was younger, this mark meant  _ everything  _ to him. He took special care to ensure that the skin of his forearm didn't get marked, or cut in a way that would scar. 

Now, Iruka stared at that small patch of skin with an ache in his bones that would never go away. More than once, he had been tempted to use a katon to burn the mark beyond recognition. Even now, he thought about pulling out a kunai and removing the colorful skin from his arm completely. 

Looking at it  _ hurt _ , hurt more than any torture training or injury Iruka had ever gone through. Because… because he would never see the matching dolphin again. There wasn't a cute blue mark pressed neatly against his, attached to the ghost feeling of Kakashi's pale fingers twining between his. 

_ Because Kakashi Hatake was never coming home again.  _

The day went by in a blur, shifting between Iruka trying not to vomit and yelling at the kids to settle down. Hopefully, tomorrow would be a better day. Iruka was just seeing off the last few kids when one of them shouted to him. "Have a nice day with your soulmate, Iruka-Sensei!" 

_ Ah.  _ Of course they only said it to be nice… but that didn't stop Iruka's hands from shaking as he tried to gather up his things. 

~

Iruka only made it halfway home before someone was calling his name. "Oi! Iruka! Come have some ramen with us!"

Iruka once again groaned, because he knew that voice.  _ Anko.  _ She would never accept "no" for an answer, and if Iruka  _ tried _ , she would likely follow him home and invite herself into Iruka's empty apartment.

That, he couldn't handle.  _ No one  _ had been in there. Not since Kakashi had left on his mission seven months ago. It would be hard enough when Naruto finally came home from training with Jiraiya… but to have other people poking around his business?  _ No thank you.  _

"I suppose I could have a bowl." Iruka mumbled, turning towards Ichiraku's instead, carefully avoiding looking at the stool that Kakashi had always chosen. 

Anko laughed wildly, patting Iruka way too hard on his back as she steered him towards her friend. " _ One  _ bowl? Yeah right!" 

Iruka sat with Anko and a woman he didn't recognize. However, he stopped breathing for a moment when his eyes flitted to the far end of the booth.  _ Tenzo was here _ , eating by himself. It was a bit telling that the brunet  _ also  _ avoided the stool at the very end, sitting carefully on the one next to it instead.

Iruka wasn't supposed to know the man. Not really. But Kakashi had always insisted that Iruka should know his team. And he did, which is why he could see that Tenzo looked no better than Iruka did. His face was drawn in, with dark bags under his eyes. Somber brown eyes met his gaze for a moment, with a tiny nod of acknowledgment aimed in his direction.

Iruka hadn't seen Tenzo since he had shown up on his doorstep two months ago. They were a month late in their return, and the anbu had been soaked with rain and blood. 

That was the day Iruka's world came crumbling down… not that he could tell anyone that. The investigation was still going, which meant that Iruka couldn't breathe a word of his pain. 

"And three bowls for Iruka!" Anko called out, forcing his attention back to his friend, and away from the elusive man that used to be a regular fixture in his apartment. 

"Anko, I only wanted  _ one _ ." Iruka scolded lightly. Really, he wasn't even sure he'd be able to eat an entire bowl, let alone three. His appetite had faded significantly in the last two months. Most days, he only managed to eat breakfast. 

"Yeah, yeah." Anko replied, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, this is Tenka. Tenka, this is Iruka."

Iruka greeted the woman pleasantly, only to be interrupted by Anko again. "And don't bother checking his soul mark. His soulmate is Kakashi Hatake. You know,  _ the copy ninja _ ." Anko said excitedly. The woman looked surprised, just as Iruka had been used to before. After all, someone as  _ wonderful  _ as Kakashi Hatake had to have an  _ amazing  _ soulmate. Not a chunin teacher who couldn't even bear any children to preserve the Hatake line. 

"Their tattoos are so  _ cute _ !" Anko shouted. "When they hold hands, it makes a little heart!" 

"Oh! How adorable! Can I see?" Tenka asked with a smile. Iruka tried to smile, holding his arm out for the stranger to inspect, feeling Tenzo's sympathetic eyes on him all the while. 

Finally, the conversation moved away from soulmates, and their food was delivered. Iruka forced himself to eat an entire bowl, even though the noodles tasted like ash in his mouth. He couldn't afford to lose too much more weight, or people would begin to notice. Iruka gave the bowls away to the two ladies, excusing himself politely with the excuse of papers to grade.

They didn't need to know that the entire day had been wasted away on soulmate talks. 

Not far from Ichiraku's, a quiet presence dropped down next to him. Tenzo didn't say anything, just placed a warm hand on Iruka's shoulder before flickering away. Even that was enough to break the damn that was holding Iruka together for the day. 

By the time Iruka was through his front door, he could hardly see through the tears streaming from his eyes. 

It was all too much. Iruka dropped to the floor, cradling his arm to his chest as he sobbed against the wall. 

~

Hurried knocking woke Iruka on the floor. He wasn't sure when he had fallen asleep, but the ache in his shoulders told him that it had been a while. The  _ clock  _ told him that it had been 5 hours. 

The knocking sounded again, and before Iruka could even wipe the dried tears from his face, the door was opening on its own. 

Momentary panic gripped him as he was lifted from the floor, his eyes automatically searching for the threat and only meeting a pair of wide brown eyes. 

"Iruka." Tenzo spoke quickly, hands gripped firmly on his arms. "Come with me."

It wasn't a question, and Iruka had never seen Tenzo act this way. That was more than enough for him to obey orders and nod frantically. Sleep still weighed down his mind, but he didn't miss the way Tenzo frowned at the work clothes he was still wearing. 

Apparently, there wasn't time to change. Tenzo pulled them both away from the apartment in a shunshin, landing them effortlessly in the waiting room at the hospital. Before he could even question it, Tenzo's fingers locked around his, dragging him through the doors and into the back part of the building only Anbu was allowed to enter. 

Iruka could only focus on Tenzo's hand in his, holding onto his right hand that hadn't been held since Kakashi left. The scarecrow tattoo wouldn't match up with Tenzo's forearm, but he couldn't find the strength to pull away as he was led through twisting hallways. He nearly collided with the man when Tenzo stopped, turning and flying through the door to a patient's room without even knocking. It seemed so unlike a man like Tenzo, who valued professionalism more than almost anything. 

Clearly, the occupants were confused as well. Iruka met the furrowed brows of Inoichi, and the angry surprise on Tsunade's face. 

"I  _ clearly  _ said no visitors yet!" She shouted. Iruka couldn't peel his eyes off of her. The woman was downright terrifying when she was pissed. 

"I don't care. He  _ deserves  _ to know  _ now _ ." Tenzo spoke strongly, tightening his grip on Iruka's hand and using it to pull him around towards the bed. 

Finally, Iruka's eyes landed on filthy silver hair and a dirt-smudged face that haunted Iruka's every waking moment. 

_ Kakashi.  _

It wasn't real… because Kakashi was  _ dead.  _ His Hound mask was gathering dust in the closet, right where Iruka had put it when Tenzo had presented it to him with shaking hands. 

This pale man lying unconscious in the bed… it  _ couldn't be _ . Iruka's eyes moved down to the arm closest to him. Even covered in mud and blood, the bright blue of the dolphin tattoo called to him like a beacon. 

A loud sob escaped his throat, drowning out whatever lecture Tenzo was currently receiving for his insubordination. Iruka's knees buckled, his trembling hands reaching out and gripping Kakashi's arm tightly. 

The only thing Iruka managed to hear over the next hour of Tsunade speaking was that they didn't know for sure when Kakashi would wake up. Tenzo apologized repeatedly, his giant brown eyes watering as he sat by Kakashi's other side. Iruka could  _ never  _ blame him. Kakashi was the closest thing Tenzo had to family. Iruka knew that. The brunet would  _ never  _ have been satisfied leaving unless he had been  _ absolutely sure  _ Kakashi was dead. The stoic man was nearly as emotional as Iruka.

_ How had this happened?  _

The next day was another blur. Iruka vaguely recalled that tsunade had made arrangements for his class at the academy. He didn't leave Kakashi's side. Iruka carefully washed the dirt and blood from his husband's body, while Tenzo remained a silent presence at all times. 

From what he had gathered from his husbands body, he had been held captive somewhere. Deep wounds wrapped around his ankles and wrists, and Iruka ached with what Kakashi had been put through. He lovingly washed the dolphin tattoo, listening to Kakashi's steady breathing. 

It took two days. Two days until mismatched eyes opened and Iruka flung himself over Kakashi's body and sobbed. 

~

Iruka woke slowly, his body surrounded in warmth. He was in his bedroom again, but this time, the other half of his mattress was not empty. Kakashi was snuggled up against his back, and Iruka's world felt whole again. 

Kakashi didn't speak much about the time he was gone, but it didn't really matter. All that mattered to Iruka was the fact that when he rolled over, Kakashi would be there. 

The silver-haired jounin smiled softly, reaching out with one eye closed to wrap Iruka up in his arms. Iruka traced Kakashi's dolphin tattoo, something he found himself doing a lot since his husband had been brought home. 

Kakashi never minded the extra attention. He never said a word when Iruka insisted on holding hands any time they went anywhere, and he never mentioned it when Iruka fell asleep kissing his tattoo. 

They were together again, two halves to a whole, and Iruka would never let Kakashi slip away from him again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! Comments always make my day!


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